


Luminous Adra

by Bazylia_de_Grean



Series: Jewel in the Iron Crown [14]
Category: Pillars of Eternity
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-13
Updated: 2019-12-13
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:02:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21727975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bazylia_de_Grean/pseuds/Bazylia_de_Grean
Summary: He only needs some of that light which gives her life.
Relationships: Thaos ix Arkannon/Original Character(s)
Series: Jewel in the Iron Crown [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1566019
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4
Collections: TTRPG Godsquad





	Luminous Adra

**Author's Note:**

  * For [aban_ataashi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aban_ataashi/gifts).



He listens to her even breaths long after she falls asleep, when she is little more than a memory of her shape in his arms and an after-image of her soul in his thoughts. It doesn’t seem like much, but it grounds him in the present for a while, far enough from what the future holds that he can find some respite.

Nona didn’t understand when he told her he wished she had been there yesterday, nor when he kissed her. She mistook it for something else, and he is not going to correct her. Withholding some truth is not always a lie, and there is no reason he should dispel this illusion. Not so early. Not when it makes her laugh and her soul glow.

That is all he wants – sharing her joy. He would never demand something she is not willing to give. For their cause, yes – he could convince her to deceive, hurt, even to kill. But there are things he wouldn’t ask for. Not when it’s personal. Not for himself – never.

He only needs some of that light which gives her life. Drawing energy from someone’s soul is better than from luminous adra. It’s like plucking leaves from a growing tree which will regenerate over time. From luminous adra – it’s just taking the leaves out with branches and roots.

It is one thing to sacrifice souls to the gods, when it’s necessary. Using souls given willingly for the greater good, melting and forging them into hope for others. A terrible price, but still acceptable. But drinking essence from luminous adra... There are very few things he considers a sin, but this is one of them.

That is why modern animancy disgusts him – they do not understand. And most of those who do are even worse, for they do not care. They just fish pieces of souls out of the currents of the Wheel for their own advancement, fame, power. Foolish. _Selfish_. Disrespectful. It is not sacrifice; it is _waste_.

Sometimes, when he is weak but has to go on, has to remain strong enough to keep doing his duty, Thaos uses luminous adra, too. In some circumstances, it's necessary, even if he detests that. Even if he cannot look at himself in the mirror afterwards.

So later, when the last of Nona’s outlines vanish, he gets up and burns some incense. He cannot pray, not truly – something he envies his acolytes and the faithful at times – but he _remembers_. He picks up shards of broken images and erases them – they would eventually drive him mad otherwise, his own memories are more than enough – but first, he looks at each closely, holds it within his mind carefully. Silence and deep focus are the closest he ever comes to praying.

This is not something he wants to tell Nona, not unless he has to. She doesn’t – cannot – understand that. Not yet. Thaos hopes that she will never have to. He knows better than anyone that people need faith.


End file.
